First, I apologize because this is going to be a novel, but I need to share my frustrations with this run in an attempt to get past it.
This morning I had what I would call the worst run of my life. I knew it wouldn't be a great run because I would be alone, but I was hoping that I could pull it out somehow. I got up and got my things around - this included my hydration belt (2 bottles filled with water and 2 with propel), ipod, cell phone, PowerBar Energy Blasts (raspberry), and the remains of my Clif Shot Bloks (Mountain Berry?).
While gathering all these things I toasted an english muffin to eat. I felt like I was forgetting something but couldn't for the life of me remember, so I headed towards the Y. It was around 6:40 when I started running. Pardon the horrible blurry picture, but I really wasn't in the mood to cheese it up for another!
I started off on the completed portion of the pufferbelly trail. Less than a mile in I realized what it is that I had forgotten - a very crucial part of my running attire with all the humidity recently - BODYGLIDE. Oh crap, how was I going to run 9 miles without bodyglid? I decided to tough it out and see how I fared. Another few minutes later I started having horrible stomach cramps. I have been battling these cramps for several weeks now when running - and they are SO painful. I felt like I was running strong, my pace was pretty close to where I wanted it. Unfortunately I had to stop and use the bathroom at 1.8ish miles. I ate two shot bloks at about mile 3. And was feeling okay, but then again at 3.5ish miles I had to stop to use the restroom. I started thinking to myself that if I had to stop after EVERY lap it was going to be a LONG run. After the second bathroom break I started running and I hit an emotional wall - I was not even half done - HOW ON EARTH WAS I GOING TO RUN ANOTHER 5+ MILES?!? Luckily it was short lived and my stomach seemed to settle down.
My optimism was short lived, around mile 4.5 I started having pain and cramping in my ribs, just below where my bra sits. It started out sort of mild, so I decided that this run wasn't going to be about time, my goal today was just to finish the whole distance without walking. I slowed down some and tried to focus on anything other than the pain. Just after mile 5 it got to be too much and I had to walk. I tried to walk just long enough to get rid of the pain and then start jogging again. There were several long stretches of walking. In desperation I tried to "hold" my ribs while running and that seemed to help some, but it was by no means a solution, the pain was still making me take frequent walk breaks. I was falling apart inside and just wanted to quit. Somehow I kept pushing though, at mile 7 all I wanted to do was call my mom and cry but I forced myself to keep going.
The last of my mileage was going to be on the Salomon Farm loop around the Y. I decided that I would walk up just up to where the loop parallels the road and run until the trail turned back away from the road. I started running and managed to run past that point, I was pushing myself to run to the next mile marker every time I passed on. I ended up making it about 3/4 a mile without stopping. I hated myself for having to walk, I couldn't understand why everything had fallen apart at not even 5 miles. I was so frustrated when my phone announced that my pace was over 10:00 per mile. I knew I couldn't finish in 90 minutes but I wanted to be as close to that as I could, so after a short walk break I started running again. I was determined to finish off my mileage running, so I set short distance goals (I will run to that tree, then when I got to that tree I would run to the next, etc) and managed to finish off the rest of my mileage running.
Here are my splits:
Mile 1 - 9:23
Mile 2 - 9:03
Mile 3 - 9:45
Mile 4 - 9:11
Mile 5 - 9:46
Mile 6 - 11:14
Mile 7 - 13:02
Mile 8 - 10:33
Mile 9 - 10:02
Final time for 9.02 miles - 1:32:09 (avg pace: 10:13 m/m)
And my pace/elevation chart:
I don't know how much I walked, but it was far too much for my liking. I feel very defeated by this long run and sort of want to quit. I know bad runs happen to everyone, and honestly my time wasn't terrible. But, what bothers me most is that I don't know what caused the terrible pain in my ribs so I don't know how to fix it. Well, that and of course the stomach cramping and digestive issues - I know what causes them but can't seem to find something that cures them.
In an attempt to put a positive spin on this crap-frickin-tastic run, a few positive notes:
- I finished all the mileage
- the lack of body glide ended up not being an issue
- my legs and breathing felt fine with the running I was able to do
Readers poll: Has anyone had these rib cramps while running? Did you figure out what caused them/fixed them? For reference: Mine started out on the right side and ended up traveling around to the left side too.
One last question - what do you do to help yourself get over what felt like an "epic fail" of a run?
This morning I had what I would call the worst run of my life. I knew it wouldn't be a great run because I would be alone, but I was hoping that I could pull it out somehow. I got up and got my things around - this included my hydration belt (2 bottles filled with water and 2 with propel), ipod, cell phone, PowerBar Energy Blasts (raspberry), and the remains of my Clif Shot Bloks (Mountain Berry?).
I am now under 9 pounds away from my goal and I hate the way my body looks, and truthfully, I am sure it won't look any better if/when I reach my goal. It's frustrating that I have worked so hard to get to where I want to be and my body just will never look like I want it to. When I look in the mirror I either see my old body at 307 pounds and a size 24, or a *slightly* smaller body with lots of loose flabby skin. I had a realization last night running with "L" from my half marathon class. I said to her "I wish I saw in the mirror what I see when I look at my shadow while running." Her response was, "that's what I see." It's funny to me that I can look at my shadow on the ground and see what looks to me like an athletic (albeit not super skinny) figure, but I look in the mirror and all I see is fat. I wish I had the clarity in the mirror that I see when I look at my shadow. All the work I have been putting in physically is not going to be enough to kick the fat girl out of my vision. Somehow, I have to get inside my head and learn to accept myself as I am now. As my good friend told me this weekend "Jenn, its okay, they are battle scars." We all have them, I just have to learn to embrace mine and realize that those battle scars are there to always remind me why I have worked so hard to get to where I am now. 
First, to make this post slightly less boring, a photo of me before bed last night after gallivanting in downtown Fort Wayne! :) Last night I spent some time with my friend who came to visit me from out of town. We went downtown and walked a couple miles and then decided to go to a local restaurant - Club Soda. I ordered a caesar salad (sans dressing) and thai coconut chicken lettuce wraps and paired it with a flirtini (I think? my friend ordered it for me. haha). After dinner we walked back to the car, didn't get home til around midnight. Between the martini and the late night, I was petrified about how my run would go this morning. Add to that my hamstrings that were still burning from my 3.5 hours of weeding earlier in the week and I was sure I was doomed. 