Monday, August 5, 2013

All the wrong things!

All throughout my journey people have asked me what I did and why I did it.  The typical "what was your breaking point?" or "What gave you the motivation to lose weight finally?"  were questions that I got frequently and quite honestly I always had the stereotypical answer - my kids and my health. 

However, as I have been evaluating my recent failures (weight gain) I have stumbled across a humbling truth.  As much as I want to believe my love for myself and my kids was enough to motivate this journey, its just not the case.  I have been looking for validation, to impress someone, to feel like I was doing something truly exceptional that make me special and unique.  When I stopped getting that I stopped being motivated to continue the hard work that I had been putting in. Now, reading that I feel ridiculous even typing it. 

Now that its off my chest I am going to be working towards a more healthy mind-set.  I know it won't happen overnight but I know its essential for the long term success of my healthy living changes.  I know things started going down hill last fall, its been nearly a year, here's hoping that somehow I can "reset." 

Things I've realized: 
 - I hate to workout but love the feeling when I am done. 
 - No matter what I do, there will be people who will disapprove or disregard me - and I need to get over caring about it
 - If someone doesn't contribute to your life positively, let them go (no matter how long they've been there)
 - lifting weights and swimming resulted in the best body I have ever had - stop being lazy and get back to the Y! 
 - I have LOST my will power, if its in the house I WILL eat it - so keep it out of the house
 - if I miss one run, have one bad meal, etc I crumble - I need to work on letting go of the failure quickly and getting back on track
 - when I am failing at healthy living and feeling fat I check out of life all together, my mood is tied to my weight way more than I care to admit.  
Sorry if this is disjointed, I wanted to get all my thoughts "out on paper" so to speak. Hoping that if I have them somewhere I can go back and re-read them as possible it will help me in the long run.  

Anyone have any insight on how to get back on track?