However, as I have been evaluating my recent failures (weight gain) I have stumbled across a humbling truth. As much as I want to believe my love for myself and my kids was enough to motivate this journey, its just not the case. I have been looking for validation, to impress someone, to feel like I was doing something truly exceptional that make me special and unique. When I stopped getting that I stopped being motivated to continue the hard work that I had been putting in. Now, reading that I feel ridiculous even typing it.
Now that its off my chest I am going to be working towards a more healthy mind-set. I know it won't happen overnight but I know its essential for the long term success of my healthy living changes. I know things started going down hill last fall, its been nearly a year, here's hoping that somehow I can "reset."
Things I've realized:
- I hate to workout but love the feeling when I am done.
- No matter what I do, there will be people who will disapprove or disregard me - and I need to get over caring about it
- If someone doesn't contribute to your life positively, let them go (no matter how long they've been there)
- lifting weights and swimming resulted in the best body I have ever had - stop being lazy and get back to the Y!
- I have LOST my will power, if its in the house I WILL eat it - so keep it out of the house
- if I miss one run, have one bad meal, etc I crumble - I need to work on letting go of the failure quickly and getting back on track
- when I am failing at healthy living and feeling fat I check out of life all together, my mood is tied to my weight way more than I care to admit.
Sorry if this is disjointed, I wanted to get all my thoughts "out on paper" so to speak. Hoping that if I have them somewhere I can go back and re-read them as possible it will help me in the long run.
Anyone have any insight on how to get back on track?