Monday, August 5, 2013

All the wrong things!

All throughout my journey people have asked me what I did and why I did it.  The typical "what was your breaking point?" or "What gave you the motivation to lose weight finally?"  were questions that I got frequently and quite honestly I always had the stereotypical answer - my kids and my health. 

However, as I have been evaluating my recent failures (weight gain) I have stumbled across a humbling truth.  As much as I want to believe my love for myself and my kids was enough to motivate this journey, its just not the case.  I have been looking for validation, to impress someone, to feel like I was doing something truly exceptional that make me special and unique.  When I stopped getting that I stopped being motivated to continue the hard work that I had been putting in. Now, reading that I feel ridiculous even typing it. 

Now that its off my chest I am going to be working towards a more healthy mind-set.  I know it won't happen overnight but I know its essential for the long term success of my healthy living changes.  I know things started going down hill last fall, its been nearly a year, here's hoping that somehow I can "reset." 

Things I've realized: 
 - I hate to workout but love the feeling when I am done. 
 - No matter what I do, there will be people who will disapprove or disregard me - and I need to get over caring about it
 - If someone doesn't contribute to your life positively, let them go (no matter how long they've been there)
 - lifting weights and swimming resulted in the best body I have ever had - stop being lazy and get back to the Y! 
 - I have LOST my will power, if its in the house I WILL eat it - so keep it out of the house
 - if I miss one run, have one bad meal, etc I crumble - I need to work on letting go of the failure quickly and getting back on track
 - when I am failing at healthy living and feeling fat I check out of life all together, my mood is tied to my weight way more than I care to admit.  
Sorry if this is disjointed, I wanted to get all my thoughts "out on paper" so to speak. Hoping that if I have them somewhere I can go back and re-read them as possible it will help me in the long run.  

Anyone have any insight on how to get back on track? 


  1. All I can say is...put one foot in front of the other-there is no "reset" there is only us, and how much we want/are willing to give up to achieve our goals. As a fellow weight struggler-I have been there too. I have lost weight/gained it back more times than I care to admit. I can exercise like a crazy person (if I can ever motivate myself to get started), but my biggest struggle is the food, and the general every day distractions of life-it is so easy to get off track... and before you know it, boom, you're sitting on the couch eating snacks with the hubby every night, and the time to work out never seems to be available. For me, vacations throw me off in the worst way! I don't know if I am really helping you, but I wanted you know that I have been reading your blog, and that someone out here is listening/knows what you are going through. I may be way off base, but it seemed like you got off track with your running ( which I am in awe of your ability, by the way) after you had a disappointing/unsuccessful run when all of your family went with you to the St. Jude's marathon in Memphis? Maybe if you could pinpoint what happened, or if there were other factors in your life that kind of caused you to give up on your healthy lifestyle, you could see what you need to work on to pick back up and keep on going towards your goals. Much love and hugs-and feel free to email me if you just need to chat with someone. margie_visnickatyahoodotcom

  2. It looks like you are headed in the right direction. The first thing to do is understand what your problem is and to lay out a plan of attack, which is what you have done. I would start by joining the Y and get back into swimming. Since you mentioned that this was the best shape your body has even been in, then this is where I would concentrate my efforts. Once your kids are back in school you will have the perfect opportunity to start back into your swimming routine.

    I know it must seem overwhelming at first to start but with your Disney races on your schedule I would start as soon as you can. Start out slowly so you don't feel like it is too much. Baby steps as they say. I think if I were doing all the races at Disney as you are, I would concentrate on making only one my goal race and the others just for fun races. That way you can have fun and experience the true Disney magic. The most I ever ran before my Disney marathon last year was 15 miles. I knew going into Disney that I was just going to have fun and just finish in the time constraint. Both I accomplished. I ran/walked the first 13 miles and totally walked the last 13.2 miles due to the extreme heat. But I didn't care because I had a blast. If you take the same kind of attitude then running will be fun again for you. Because let's face it, if you aren't having fun, then it is time to find something that is.

  3. It sounds like you've come to some great realizations that are sure to be helpful to you as you refocus.