Thursday, February 23, 2012

I never get any better...

Blogging is NOT my strong point.  I try to blog frequently but I feel like all I can come up with is a boring play by play of my life, and let's be honest who wants to read that.  I could promise I will be better and blog more often, but I don't want to make promises I can't keep.

Something you may notice is that when I am struggling I get "quiet" so to speak.  I don't know how to admit that I am failing at everything I want so badly for my life.  The things I want so badly....
 - to be a better mom to my kids
 - to eat clean and healthy
 - to be truly happy with the blessings in my life
 - to improve as an athlete
 - finally get to my goal weight and maintain it for life

The things I have been doing the last 6 months..
 - hiding in my house because I am afraid of being rejected/not being liked
 - relying on food to deal with emotions
 - spending far too much time on the computer
 - not spending enough time with my kids
 - eating crap 70% of the time and trying to make up for it the rest of the time
 - flat-lining as an athlete: runs aren't getting easier, I'm not getting faster, and I'm becoming very injury prone!
 - putting off important things because I don't have the motivation to do it
 - letting the little things get to me and not appreciating the overall blessings in my life.

So, now that I have laid it all out on the table, I am hoping to keep myself accountable for these things and work towards improving myself in the next few months.  As I have said before, the best thing about all these stumbling blocks is proving to myself that I can overcome them.  I will come back stronger, I HAVE to.

On the running front, I have been plugging along on my training plan.  I went to the ortho and he told me that he thought my shin pain was just shin splints, so I took a few days off and have been getting back to it slowly but surely.  I am doing what's on the schedule, nothing more.  I have to fight the urge to do more, I feel like I should be running every day, several miles a day because that's what everyone else does.  I want so badly to feel "hard core" but I have swallowed the "bitter pill" of knowing if I push it too much too quickly I will end up injured and not able to make it to to the start line of the marathon.  I can't WAIT to line up for that marathon, to accomplish something that I never thought possible.  So for now, slow and steady wins the race.  I am sticking to the lower mileage and have done the last 3 long runs on the treadmill to keep my pace slower.  I wish I could say that made it easier, unfortunately, that;s just not the case.  Hoping to be strong enough for the 3 half marathons I have coming up between now and May 5!

I did do something social this week - I went to "ladies night" at our local running store.  I got to meet up with one of my friends from my half marathon class, which was fantastic.  There wasn't a ton going on at the store: food, wine, mary kay, and an asics person, along with a store discount.  I don't know what I was expecting, but I was slightly disappointed.  I did of course buy something - seriously I can't go into that store without pulling out my credit card.  This time I got a pair of CW-X compression capris and an asics light weight hoody, both were on clearance and buy one, get one 50% off.  I spent money I shouldn't have but I have been eyeing the CWX pants for months and they were a good deal.  With the marathon training coming, I figured now was as good of time as any.   So, the next day I took them for a test drive.  Pardon the picture quality, my good phone was in for service.  I didn't do a long run in these capris, but boy did they feel good.  They made me feel strong and fast, can't wait to wear them for a long run to see how they do.

Anyway, I hope I haven't bored you all with my struggles.  I do hope to post more in the future.

For now, one last question:  If you had one quote that keeps you moving forward when you are feeling down, what would it be?  



  1. "The difference between good and great is just a little extra effort." -That has always been a favorite of mine and if I had to pick one favorite quote that is it.

    Hope things get better for you!

  2. I tell myself - You can do it! I tell myself that a lot. Sometimes I have to say it hundreds of times.

    So, you're human - that's all I read here. It's okay to have trouble, it's okay to admit it and ask for help. You'll also have great days and you should celebrate those.

    Running isn't easy - if it was, everyone would do it. You're doing great. You might want to pick up a Jeff Galloway or John Bingham book - they don't stress high mileage and speed. They stress the journey and injury prevention. There are a tone of plans out there and you'll find one that works for you - don't give up.